“Ashima. How do you stay happy all the
time?”
I was throwing a big laugh over one of
my friend’s story about the stupidity she ever did, when another friend asked
me. I do remember it was a pretty-fresh Saturday morning on the front-yard of
mushola Mardliyah a couple months ago, and the only thing I could answer was,
“I don’t.”
To be honest from my deepest heart, I
am not always happy. I’m only a normal-human-being, given with an overwhelming
romantic-melancholy feeling one. I do get mad, sometimes, when the thing I
prepared for were not turned out perfectly as I want. I caught myself crying on
my way home, when I thought that I couldn’t handle something by myself anymore.
On my case, the thing that make me
seems to be happy all the time is I do believe as if it is okay to be-not-okay,
and I learn to do it.
I always let myself crying when I feel
that crying is one best way to heal my pathetic mode. I never force myself to
release the bad feeling immediately, yet I try to give enough time for myself
so I’m about to know when the right time to fight with is. And yes, when my
tears stop falling, there are a lot of pain has already disappeared.
