Think of Happy Things.

Selasa, Juni 02, 2015


“Ashima. How do you stay happy all the time?”

I was throwing a big laugh over one of my friend’s story about the stupidity she ever did, when another friend asked me. I do remember it was a pretty-fresh Saturday morning on the front-yard of mushola Mardliyah a couple months ago, and the only thing I could answer was, “I don’t.”

To be honest from my deepest heart, I am not always happy. I’m only a normal-human-being, given with an overwhelming romantic-melancholy feeling one. I do get mad, sometimes, when the thing I prepared for were not turned out perfectly as I want. I caught myself crying on my way home, when I thought that I couldn’t handle something by myself anymore.

On my case, the thing that make me seems to be happy all the time is I do believe as if it is okay to be-not-okay, and I learn to do it.

I always let myself crying when I feel that crying is one best way to heal my pathetic mode. I never force myself to release the bad feeling immediately, yet I try to give enough time for myself so I’m about to know when the right time to fight with is. And yes, when my tears stop falling, there are a lot of pain has already disappeared.


However, there are another things I can do when I’m sad, not only crying like a baby instead.

Yesterday, I just did nothing on my bed until the sun turns out—and I didn’t take a bath all day—as expression of my regret. Actually, this stuff really torture me that I barely asked for help, you know, since June already came up but there are a lot of works that have not done yet. To make it worst, it supposes to finish on last May, or April.

Another day, I choose to go to the bookstore nearby by myself. Buy some books as present for myself when luckily I have enough money, or I just dropped by from shelf to shelf, look after the books I’m starving at and calmly read the book on the corner until the bookstore ready to close.

I can go shopping in another verse, by myself (again). I can try to wear the flannel shirt which looks so cute, or try fitting myself on a black sweet dress, or perhaps go after the stuff I don’t actually need. Yet, ended up with buy the cheapest stuff I can find there, or if I’m shameless enough, I went home with nothing.

I can put myself into a quick conversation with strangers. I can treat myself with a burger with extra cheese and mayonnaise. I can tidy up my room—and the entire home as if I’m diligent enough. I can don’t take a bath all day long. I can repeat my favorite song on playlist, again and again. I can turn off my internet connection, tablet, and phone, to avoid people who look after me.

And when the things go worst that I probably cannot stand for anymore, I do write a post on my blog—this post. Try to tell you that I’m not okay.

‘Hello. Please, save me.’
Yogyakarta, Juni 1st 2015

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31 COMMENTS

  1. Bahasa Inggris saya kurang begitu baik, tapi tetap mencoba untuk mengerti apa yang tertulis di sini.

    Orang memang kadang melihat kita terlihat selalu bahagia, padahal sebenernya tidak seperti itu. Pastinya ada banyak masalah yang membuat stress baik itu pekerjaan ataupun yang lainnya.

    I do believe as if it is okay to be-not-okay, and I learn to do it.
    cukup setuju sama kata-kata ini.

    selebihnya saya kurang mengerti, Soal tangisan. Menurutku itu luapan emosi yang tak pernah bisa diucapkan, jadi nggak masalah harus menangis walau nanti akan dianggap cengeng oleh orang lain.

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. Iya. Ah, sepertinya lebih ke stress-control kali ya.

      Hapus
  2. Sorry, may be tomorrow I know your story.

    *maaf kurang pinter bahasa inggris. Tak buka kamus dulu ya ^___^V

    BalasHapus
  3. Wow! This blog looks exactly like my old one! It's on a entirely
    different topic but it has pretty much the same
    page layout and design. Outstanding choice of colors!

    Feel free to visit my blog: Wqcndtinstitute.com

    BalasHapus
  4. Hi, ini pertama kalinya saya baca postingan berbahasa inggris, dan ternyata bahasa inggris kamu daebak! alias keren sekali. ;)

    Saya juga melakukan hal yang sama ketika saya sedang merasa sedih, yaitu menangis. Mungkin karena kita perempuan, perasaan sedih, stres, depresi akan sedikit menghilang ketika kita menangis.

    Tapi saya pikir kamu bukan hanya harus lebih berpikir positif tapi juga harus berhenti mengkhawatirkan dan memikirkan apa yang bikin kamu merasa 'not happy anymore'.

    Intinya yah, jalani saja. ;)

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. Hm, berpikir positif ya. Jadi keinget mantra patronus nih hehehe

      Hapus
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  9. Wih, postingan berbahasa Inggris..
    Gue komennya pake bahasa indonesia aja lah. Sorry kalo nggak nyambung..

    Kalo cara gue bahagia sederhana. Cukup bersyukur dengan apa yang sudah kita miliki dan tidak meminta lebih. Pasti bahagia kok :D

    BalasHapus
  10. alhamdulillah, untunglah ada google translite...

    bahasanya keren banget nih, kayaknya ini knjungan pertama yak?
    atau mungkin aku yang lupa...

    dan harus saya akui,.,,cara yang dilakukan untuk menghilangkan kesedihan benar-benar luar biasa...
    setidaknya untyk dipraktekan suatu hari jika sudah suntuk dengan cara diri sendiri menghilangkan kesedihan..

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. Halo.
      Hehehe tergantung masing-masing orang sih. Tingkat membahagiakan diri itu subyektif, kan?

      Hapus
  11. Lagi kenapa lo ma? Pada akhirnya, emang semuanya cuman manusia biasa ya. *bentar lagi pasti gue digetok gara-gara komen bener*

    BalasHapus
  12. uhuk come to mama, darl
    hahaha

    You can tell me everything and I will always read your story

    BalasHapus
  13. Pfffft. Terakhir kamu nangis sama inceas kan pas SMA, dulu nangis berdua di lorong sekolah. Disana nangis di depan siapa? Sini peluk incesss

    BalasHapus
  14. ya sedih, bahagia, marah, kesal hal itu pasti ada dan datang silih bergantian jadi bersabar aja dan hadapi dengan bijak.. (mario mode on)

    BalasHapus
  15. kurang begitu paham, yang penting blogwalking :) salam hermanbagus :)

    BalasHapus
  16. Hmm cukup bagus. 4 jam berkelut dengan kamu untuk nerjemahin semua kata - kata nya hahahaha. Salam kenal :)

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. Well, it take ages then hehehe. Salam kenal!

      Hapus
  17. don't be sad, don't be sad.
    please go head :)

    BalasHapus
  18. Hey, why you stop updating your blog? :( It's been a month...

    I feel you somehow. When I'm facing a problem or when something makes me really sad, I'll go sit in the corner of my room or go to the rooftop of my house and start to cry. Sometimes I fall asleep after crying. Then I'll just go to my desk and write down all the feelings I have inside. That will make me feel a lot better.

    BalasHapus
    Balasan
    1. Kind of escaping from blogging-life for a while, yet it gone too far hehehe.

      Well, writing is the best way to heal, then hehehe

      Hapus
  19. Thank you for sharing knowledge.

    BalasHapus

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